Burning Bridges

They conquered him 

by the blood of the Lamb

and by the word of their testimony...

Revelation 12:11

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Everyone has a testimony.  So much of mine isn't written yet.  I haven't touched on how God moved in my marriage (and how He used our son to draw us closer to Him), my relationships with others (including the friendships with the godly women I've been so blessed with), and how He has used me in the lives of others. But, this is a particularly important turning point in my life that I was asked to share.  A moment in time when this prodigal daughter remembered who I am and Who I belong to...and who I am meant to become.  Not a beggar for scraps, but a daughter of the King.    

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A year ago, during my (now) church's First Wednesday Service, September 2014, Greg Surratt was the speaker.  I had only attended Church on the Move for two weeks at this time.  That night, I made my first notes in my Youversion Bible app.  The first line read:

“Voice of less vs. Voice of MORE.  Follow the voice of Jesus.  I CAN do this.” 

One of the scriptures from that night was from John 15:16:

“You did not choose Me, but I chose you. I appointed you that you should go out and produce fruit and that your fruit should remain, so that whatever you ask the Father in My name, He will give you.”

Looking back on that night moves me to tears of unmeasurable joy.  How can I put into words what God has done for me in one year?  Truthfully, I’m not sure I can do Him justice in one page, but I’m just going to go there.

I had never truly submitted myself to the Voice of More.  I suffered "mental illness" for much of my life…riddled with fear, overwhelmed with depression and labeled with diagnoses I let define me.  And at this time of my life, I was in pretty bad shape.  I was very lost.  I fought thoughts of suicide and I hurt myself where no one would see.  I drank to cope with my depression.  I drank to settle my anxiety.  And I drank to celebrate a good day.  I tried to fix myself with psychiatry, therapy and medications…medications that my body could no longer tolerate but I was convinced I would die without.  And so, I was very sickly.  Not only could I not function as a normal human being, but most importantly, I couldn’t function as a mother.  My four year old little boy needed me.  And my husband needed me.  Only, I had let the “voice of less” run my life for as long as I could remember and I just didn’t know how to be me.  I didn’t even know who I was.  What I did know was that if I couldn’t be saved, I would surely die.  And I didn’t want to believe anymore that the world would be better off without me.

That night during service, with people standing around me with their hands lifted in praise and worship, I wrung my shaking hands and wept quietly.  The burning question that I could not shake was this…

Can I be healed? 

While worship was still going, my dear sister-in-law, who stood next to me saw through my pain, gently took my hand and led me to a volunteer standing in the isle of the auditorium to pray for me.  I then agreed to meet in a room called the “Healing Place” after the service.  I listened to Greg’s message with great anticipation.

I CAN do this…

Stepping into the Healing Place with my husband and his family was like walking over a burning bridge.  I knew in my heart that there was no going back.  This was it.  I shook inside and out as I tearfully unpacked my pain and fear before the cross.  The pastor who cared for me that night gave me a firm “YES” to that burning question in my mind. 

I can be healed!

I am in awe as I now reflect on what God has done for me in the past year.  I have been sober for the first full year in 14 years.  I am free of medications.  I am free of darkness and depression!  Physically and mentally, I am healthy.  In fact, I could quite possibly be the happiest person I know!  In January, my husband and I were baptized by the same loving pastor that helped me in the Healing Place.  Around that same time, we joined the Saturday night Host Team (who have since become like a family to us) and became solid volunteers (and most recently team leaders)!  In June, we became tithers!  God has filled my life with such fellowship, friendships and love that I can’t even begin to express my gratitude without tears in my eyes.  My cup overflows with blessing after blessing!  You see, God not only healed me, healed my family and fixed my life; He used me.  And there is simply no greater joy in existence than in serving Gods purpose and being loved by Him. The best is yet to come...

“As the Father has loved Me, I have also loved you. Remain in My love.” (John 15:9)

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Reflections

Pastor Rob (who I affectionately call, "Pastor Batman") is a very special person to us and to our story.  He gives our huge church that "small church" feeling.  And I think there is a need for that.  Relationship.

Easter Service with my Momma!

Serving at SEEDS!!!

Christmas Train... truly a magical place.

Candlelight Service. 

One thing our Host Team does best... Hospitality.  We love each other like family.

Yeah.  That's Pastor Steven Furtick on our stage.  No biggie. (AAAAHHH!!!)

My gifts from God, who I treasure most of all. 

Mothers Day with my Momma.  She has been my rock, my teacher and best friend.  Love you so.

Serving at the Joel Osteen "Night of Hope" with two of my favorite people in this world.  They brought me into their Host Team, made me their friend and I never looked back.  Love you, Grant and Stephanie! 

Baptism by Pastor Batman. 

(May only be able to be viewed on computer.)