For the
past week, I have been taking my six year old to swim lessons at a local college.
Day after day, I have watched his teacher give her small group of young
students instruction on how to move in the water. She tells them every morning when to breathe out
from their nose, when to kick and how to move their little arms. They practice
the movements over and over again before they go into the pool, and then again
in the shallow water. She’s very present
and confident with them and I truly admire her patience (my son doesn’t
necessarily love having his face under water or being in that pool). The first
half of the week were full of tears and it hurt my heart at first to see my boy pushed to his limit. But this gal
does not take “no” for an answer. Off the diving board and into the deep end
they go, and whether they go willingly or they are carried across the board and
dropped is completely up to them. These kids will learn to swim and this group
of teachers are very serious about that.
The truth is, my boy won’t always have someone to hold him above water. There
won’t always be someone there to catch him when he falls into the deep end. There
will come a day when he will have to remember what he has learned from his
teacher - the breathing, when to kick his legs and how move his arms - to keep from
sinking.
It occurred
to me how this process relates so well to my spiritual journey through
life. I’m approaching my third year
walking this path. The first year was scary and difficult. I was an infant and
needed that spiritual milk. God made his presence known to me in a way that was
very tangible. He held my hand and walked me out of depression, anxiety,
loneliness and addiction. He taught me about grace and love. My eyes were full of His wonder and for the
first time, I experienced His strength and felt true joy. He began surrounding
me with people who were stronger than I was to lift me up and keep me encouraged.
Like newborn infants,
desire the pure spiritual milk, so that you may grow by it for your salvation,
since you have tasted that the Lord is good…
(1 Peter 2:2)
Going into my second year, I was much stronger. I had
learned about God’s Armor. I was being schooled in faith by the testimonies of
others. My eyes were being widened to revelation after revelation in my studies. God began to
put me in places to help surround others who could lean on my strength. Though
I still wasn’t where I thought I needed to be spiritually, I was beginning to
apply what I had learned to teach others.
Therefore, leaving the
elementary message about the Messiah, let us go on to maturity, not laying
again the foundation of repentance from dead works… (Hebrews 6:1)
Going into my third year, I find myself in a season I am
unfamiliar with. I remember what I’ve learned. I know what I know. I have the
books, the scriptures, the uncountable notes I’ve taken… But, there are times I
honestly don’t “feel” my Father’s presence with me. At first when I noticed
this, I was scared. Was the depression
coming back? Did God abandon me? I remembered my pastor talking about how our
feelings can deceive us… and though we may not “feel” God’s presence, our faith
can give us confidence that He is there. It’s in those seemingly vulnerable times
that we can either succumb to the fear, doubt and temptations to turn back to
our old ways (or for many of us fall into new bad habits), or we can lean on
our faith… to remember and apply what we know and what we have
learned… to put to use the people God has put in our lives to help carry our
burdens... to worship Him even when we don't feel like it.
Now everyone who lives
on milk is inexperienced with the message about righteousness, because he is an
infant. But solid food is for the mature – for those whose senses have been
trained to distinguish between good and evil. (Hebrews 5:13-14)
This is something I learned quite recently. And it wasn’t
until the end of my son’s first week of swim class that it hit me. If you don’t see or feel Him hold you above
water, it is because He knows you know how to swim and he wants you to apply
that knowledge. He wants you to swim…
in the shallow water and in the deep. We know that we have life with Him and He
will not let us drown. There will be
times when we need our friends (stronger swimmers) and there will be times when
God (the Life Guard) dives in and saves us in a big way or leans in to whisper a new revelation, but He wants us to
know that unless we use our skills, our gifts and our knowledge of Him (without
the “floaties”), we will not mature. I have to say, at first I was terrified. I
thought I might drown. But somewhere in that water, I had a “be still and know moment.” I remembered
that what I already know will keep me above water. And because of what He has taught me, I can experience His presence in a much richer and intimate way.
Then we will no longer
be little children, tossed by the waves and blown around by every wind of
teaching, by human cunning with cleverness in techniques of deceit. But
speaking the truth in love, let us grown in every way into Him who is the head –
Christ. From Him the whole body, fitted and knit together by every supporting
ligament, promotes the growth of the body for building up itself in love by the
proper working of each individual part.
(Ephesians 4:14-16)
