Winnow Me, Lord

His winnowing shovel is in His hand, 

and He will clear His threshing floor 

and gather His wheat into the barn. 

But the chaff He will burn up with a fire 

that never goes out.

Matthew 3:12

This is my most loved Bible verse. When I first read, I felt something. A nudge, maybe. John the Baptist is talking about the coming of Jesus. Now, the surface interpretation of this scripture is quite clear in most of the commentaries that I have found regarding it...the saved go to heaven (wheat into the barn)...the wicked go to hell (the chaff burns forever). Divine Judgement. But in my spirit, I felt there was something else under the surface for me to see. So, I held on to it until the revelation came to me almost a year later. When it did, my friends... it was like lightning struck.

Let's look at this scripture for a moment through the lense of a different interpretation. Right under the surface is something deep and rich and worth sinking your teeth in to...transformation of the human character through Christ.

To do so, you need to know just a little about wheat harvest... bear with me.

First, the wheat was threshed (or beaten) on a hard surface by a flail to loosen the good wheat from the inedible, scaly chaff that surrounded it. 

Then the mix was tossed into the air with a shovel (or fork) so the wind would blow away the lighter chaff, while the heavier grains fall back on the the threshing floor.  This was called wind winnowing. 

There...history lesson over. See? Painless.

Do you know what happens to the human heart after salvation?? It's transformed. Made clean and new... 

Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation: old things have passed away and look, new things have come.

(2 Corinthians 5:17)

After I was saved, my old thoughts were that there was nothing left of the old me. These thoughts actually comforted me. There was nothing of my "old self" I was fond of. Ever. Memories of that time of my life elicited shame and sadness. I was unlovable. My opinion of myself never really changed. I did wrong...therefore I was wrong. 

But while fervently moving forward in my new walk with Christ, as a new creation, God asked me to look back. Reluctantly, I did. And He showed me something new... Even though I loved nothing about myself then, God loved me. He loves me no more now than he did then. He saw my gifts that He put in me. He was with me every step. Even when I felt like I walked alone, He was there, waiting for me to let His light in to burn the darkness and hand Him my ashes. With His winnowing shovel, He rid me of my sin, darkness and shame and kept the good stuff. 

I baptize you with water for repentance, but the One who is coming after me is more powerful than I. I am not worthy to remove His sandals. He Himself will baptize you with the Holy Spirit and with Fire.

(Matthew 3:11)

For those still struggling with shame...God delights in you now, and He delighted in you then. Even though we may change, grow and transform, HE never changes. 

“For the LORD takes pleasure in His people; He will beautify the humble with salvation.”

(Psalms 149:4 NKJV)

The Impact of Grace

I am not a mommy blogger.  I do write, though.  Occasionally, I'll plow through the thoughts of comparison and feelings of insecurity and share what I have to say.  But this year, my word - my focus point - is "impact."  My scripture reference - the anthem I move in rhythm to - is 1 Peter 4:8-11.

Above all, love each other deeply, because love covers over a multitude of sins. Offer hospitality to one another without grumbling. Each of you should use whatever gift you have received to serve others, as faithful stewards of God's grace in it's various forms. If anyone speaks, they should do so as one who speaks the very words of God. If anyone serves, they should do so with the strength God provides, so that in all things God may be praised through Jesus Christ. To Him be the glory and the power for ever and ever. Amen.

(1 Peter 4:8-11 NIV)

My resolution this year is to focus and follow through with just a little "more of the same."  2015 was the best year of my life.  That doesn't mean it was an easy year... it means just the opposite.  It was a year of discernment and a bit of raw faith.  It was a year of, not necessarily arriving at who I am (because I learn something new every day), but finding out who I am not.  It was a smooth surface with some very rough edges... and in the center of it all is where I find myself at the beginning of 2016.  In the place I have arrived is where the message is uncomplicated... stay the course.  Keep doing what I'm doing, just do it better.

At a time when it's common to look forward with resolution, it's good to also reflect with a degree of intention to recognize how far you've come.  Last year, my resolution was straight forward.  I had only a few short months of sobriety under my belt when 2015 began and I was still battling depression and anxiety. What was I like when my journey began?  You wouldn't have wanted to know me. And it wouldn't surprise me at all if some who did would roll their eyes at my posts these days.  It's definitely something I have feared, though.  For some, the joyful, straight-laced and God-fearing version of me might be a bit far fetched.  But the truth is, I am not who I used to be and I never really was.  The core of me is exactly who God made me to be and who I am today.  Someone who has gone through a bit of hell and homelessness of the heart just to testify of God's amazing grace.  

We all have gifts.  I'm just learning about what mine are and could be.  But on a grand scale, that grace - the grace that picked my shattered spirit off the cold hard floor, pulled me out of years of darkness and made me whole again - is my most treasured gift, and it always will be. Because of it, I can be a wife, I can be  a mother, I can be a daughter, a sister and a friend. 

For it is by grace you have been saved, through faith - and this is not from yourselves, it is the gift of God...

(Ephesians 2:8)

My "anthem" scripture for 2016 directs us to use our gifts to serve others as faithful stewards of God's grace.  My focus for this year is to make an impact doing just that.  It occurred to me (just this morning, actually) that if I let fear of what other people will think or the fear of being rejected or ignored stop me from sharing my testimony of my greatest gift of all - GRACE - then I'm not sharing my gift and I'm not serving others...and if I'm not doing that, then I'm not making an impact.  Even one heart touched out of a hundred is indeed an impact.

Friends, let me encourage you.  Grace is our greatest gift. Our testimony of that grace, displayed by word or conduct, is our gift to others.  Don't let insecurities that you shouldn't be heard keep your mouth shut and hands tied.  Make an impact.  Use your gift.  Share your story.  For it's by our testimony that our insecurities and fears can be defeated (Revelation 12:11).