Waiting and Running

Hebrews 4:15 says we do not have a high priest who is unable to sympathize with our weaknesses. He was tested in every way we are. He knows. He gets it. There's not a thing in the world we could go through that our God wouldn't understand. Sickness. Addiction. Persecution. Family drama. Financial trouble. Temptation. Death. You name it, He knows it. This is probably one of my favorite passages in the New Testament. I've "used" it for many reasons and it has comforted and assisted me greatly over the past year. Well, I have some new thoughts on this which I didn't have before just the other day. Sometimes that's what happens when you read a familiar scripture from a different angle.

I have a rather large Holman Christian Standard Bible that sits on my desk in my snuggery (A.K.A. "Mom Cave"). For a study Bible, it's the best, in my opinion (and if I don't note otherwise, all scripture I quote is from this version). But, one thing I love to do in my Bible studies is play around with different versions and translations. I find that when I look at the same verse in parallel with another version, the same message will sink into spaces of my spirit that it didn't quite reach when I first read it.  And often, God will show me a new revelation just by doing this! This is exactly what happened when I read Hebrews 4:15 in the King James Version...

For we have not a high priest which cannot be touched with the feeling of our infirmities; but was in all points tempted like as we are, yet without sin.

Now let's look at the vocabulary that some of the other versions use.  The New Living Translation says our High Priest "understands" our weaknesses. In the New King James, Holman Christian Standard, and English Standard Versions He "sympathizes" with us. The Amplified version uses the phrase "understand and sympathize and have a shared feeling."  And interestingly, the New International Version uses the word "empathize." This intrigued me, because in grammar, the words "empathy" and "sympathy" often are confused with one another.  Let me clear this up... To sympathize with someone, you feel compassion for them, but not necessarily share their feeling. To empathize means you understand another's feelings for yourself. You feel them too. So, if Jesus was tested and tempted in every way we are today (which I know He was), I would think He would not only understand and have compassion for us, He would also know exactly how we feel! But when I read the King James version of this passage I saw something else. Let's look at it again.  

For we have not a high priest which cannot be touched with the feeling of our infirmities...

Let me share with you what this means to me. Our Lord is touchable...He is accessible. Reachable. Tangible. He not only loves us, cares for us, and understands us; He is touched by our feelings. You know, nothing like this could be done from a distance. He isn't up in the clouds feeling sorry for us in our worst times. He is with us in every situation and circumstance. Catching every tear. Loving us tenderly. Holding us up.  

He is touched by the feeling of our infirmities...

He knows when we are weak...when are so overwhelmed with feelings of doubt, worry, fear or exhaustion that we just can't stand anymore. He gets us. Yet, we will ever only know a miniscule fraction of what He felt on the cross. That was the whole point, wasn't it? 

I like to think about another part of the Bible where Jesus was touched.  In Luke, chapter 8, Jesus was on His way to heal the daughter of one of the synagogue leaders, Jairus, in Galilee. Crowds were nearly crushing Him from every direction. He kept moving forward until some unidentified sick woman touched Him...in fact, she didn't even touch Him; she touched His robe...and she was immediately healed. Jesus felt power draw from Him and He stopped.

"Who touched Me?" Jesus asked. When they all denied it, Peter said, "Master, the crowds are hemming You in and pressing against You." "Someone did touch Me," said Jesus. "I know that power has gone out from Me." When the woman saw that she was discovered, she came trembling and fell down before Him. In the presence of all the people, she declared the reason she had touched Him and how she was instantly cured. "Daughter," He said to her, "your faith has made you well..." (Luke 8:45-48)

This event, of course, delayed Jesus in His quest to save Jairus' daughter. By the time He reached her, He and her father were told she had already passed away. Of course, that's nothing to God. And Jesus knew that....

When Jesus heard it, He answered him, "Don't be afraid. Only believe, and she will be made well." (Luke 8:50)

He healed the girl, restored her spirit, and had her fed. Mission accomplished. But not before being interrupted on His way.

When you are walking with God, it's not so much about the destination; it's about what happens on the journey along the way. What brings you closer to God...within reaching distance...is not necessarily getting what you hope for; it's about the lessons you learn while you wait. So we have to stick close to Him.

I don't know about you, but I really dislike waiting. I'm not incredibly patient. But I have learned that there are reasons God has for waiting. There's something always going on behind the scenes of your journey from point A to point Z...and in those times (and there are many) you won't see or understand what that is, but if you want to get to Z, you're going to have to wait. You can fuss, push and complain about the pace or you can open your eyes to what God has for you to learn on the path you are on. Yes, waiting is frustrating when you want to keep moving and get results. But God says we can find strength in waiting on Him. And protection. And joy.

Wait for the Lord; be strong and courageous. Wait for the Lord. (Psalm 27:14)

The Lord is my strength and my shield; my heart trusts in Him, and I am helped. Therefore my heart rejoices and I praise Him with my song. (Psalm 27:7)

Do not sorrow, for the joy of the Lord is your strength. (Nehemiah 8:10)

But those who wait on the Lord shall renew their strength; they shall mount up with wings like eagles. They shall run and not be weary they shall walk and not faint. (Isaiah 40:31)

Um... run? Can I say right here that I love running just about as much as I love waiting?  (Insert eye rolling emoticon here.)

When I was younger, I related waiting to resting. However, when I confused resting with complacency, I stopped moving forward all together. Although at the time, I never knew where I belonged or where I was going. But when you walk with God, your wandering in life comes to an end. There's a destination. And when you know the destination, whether it's healing or provision of any kind, the last thing you want to do is wait when you don't understand why. Have you ever felt that waiting on the Lord feels quite a bit like running? It's exhausting and sometimes it's just painful. But when I started my walk with God (I mean really walking with Him), I learned over time that waiting on Him means keeping a steady pace of whatever He has me doing.

You were bought at a price; do not become slaves of men. Brothers, each person should remain with God in whatever situation he was called. (1 Corinthians 7:23)

[Side note... why would you doubt your worth when you've already been purchased? Maybe for later post!]

Here is what I found out... if you remain with God, keeping HIS pace that He has called for you to keep with Him (instead of fighting Him and throwing tantrums), He can help you along. He can build you up. He can bless you immeasurably along the way. He can even bless others through you in the interim!    

You are the light of the world...No one lights a lamp and puts it under a basket, but rather on a lampstand, and gives light for all who are in the house. Let your light shine before men, so that they may see your good works and give glory to your Father in heaven. (Matthew 5:14a-16)

So, when waiting feels like running...exhausting and painful...and my light doesn't feel so bright, I like to go to the Amplified Version of Hebrews 12:1-2 (very wordy, but oh so perfect)...

Therefore then, since we are surrounded by so great a cloud of witnesses...let us strip off and throw aside every encumbrance (unnecessary weight) and that sin which so readily (deftly and cleverly) clings to and entangles us, and let us RUN with patient endurance and steady and active persistence the appointed course of the race that is set before us. Looking away [from all that will distract] to Jesus, Who is the Leader and the Source of our faith [giving the first incentive of our belief] and is also its Finisher [bringing it to maturity and perfection]. He for the joy [of obtaining the prize] that was set before Him, endured the cross, despising and ignoring the shame and is now seated at the right hand of the throne of God. (Hebrews 12:1-2)

Wait on God. Run with God. Walk with God. Crawl with God. Be still with God. What you learn on the journey to your destination, who you can help along the way, and what you can accomplish with Him at your side will serve such a greater purpose in heaven than the destination alone. The reward will be all the more sweeter for you and for those you have served and lit the path for!  

Remember, He is not leading us blindly through our situations. He is touched by the feelings of our infirmities because He has felt everything we feel and so much more.  

Yet He Himself bore our sicknesses and He carried our pains; but we in turn regarded Him stricken, struck down by God, and afflicted. But He was pierced because of our transgressions, crushed because of our iniquities; punishment for our peace was on Him, and we were healed by His wounds. (Isaiah 53:4-5)

The King James Version says:

He hath borne our griefs and carried our sorrows.

He gets it. He knows exactly what we are going through in the worst of times. He feels us, bro! But He has joy, strength and protection for us in those times, too. More importantly, He has a message for you to hear. A lesson for you to learn...and quite possibly one to share. Though our human bodies may be fragile and our minds are so easily overwhelmed with the pressure of our circumstance or our calling, He wants us to know we won't be crushed. Jesus was crushed for us. He loves us that much. Why on earth would he leave us alone with our feelings?

Now we have this treasure in clay jars, so that this extraordinary power may be from God and not from us. We are pressured in every way, but not crushed; we are perplexed but not in despair; we are persecuted but not abandoned; we are struck down but not destroyed. (2 Corinthians 4:7-9) 

I will be with you when you pass through the waters, and when you pass through the rivers. They will not overwhelm you. You will not be scorched when you walk through the fire, and the flame will not burn you. (Isaiah 43:2)

My love. We are not alone. When it gets rough, take a deep breath. Look around. Look inside. He's there. He's right there. Ask for the revelation to be revealed. Let the Word in and let the Word out. It's just like breathing while running. You wouldn't stop breathing, would you? What lesson does He want you to learn...or share?

Just one last thought... I heard a pastor say once that dealing with this kind of frustration means trusting in a God that you can't physically see to get you through a situation you see no way out of. A dear friend of mine posted a scripture on facebook this morning that rang true with this thought... don't give up. Don't lose heart. Perseverance might mean waiting on God, but if you don't resist, you'll find the journey was even more worth it.

Therefore we do not give up. Even though our outer person is being destroyed, our inner person is being renewed day by day. For our momentary light affliction is producing for us an absolutely incomparable eternal weight of glory. So we do not focus on what is seen, but what is unseen. For what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal.  (2 Corinthians 4:16-18)

Burning Bridges

They conquered him 

by the blood of the Lamb

and by the word of their testimony...

Revelation 12:11

~~~~~~

Everyone has a testimony.  So much of mine isn't written yet.  I haven't touched on how God moved in my marriage (and how He used our son to draw us closer to Him), my relationships with others (including the friendships with the godly women I've been so blessed with), and how He has used me in the lives of others. But, this is a particularly important turning point in my life that I was asked to share.  A moment in time when this prodigal daughter remembered who I am and Who I belong to...and who I am meant to become.  Not a beggar for scraps, but a daughter of the King.    

~~~~~

A year ago, during my (now) church's First Wednesday Service, September 2014, Greg Surratt was the speaker.  I had only attended Church on the Move for two weeks at this time.  That night, I made my first notes in my Youversion Bible app.  The first line read:

“Voice of less vs. Voice of MORE.  Follow the voice of Jesus.  I CAN do this.” 

One of the scriptures from that night was from John 15:16:

“You did not choose Me, but I chose you. I appointed you that you should go out and produce fruit and that your fruit should remain, so that whatever you ask the Father in My name, He will give you.”

Looking back on that night moves me to tears of unmeasurable joy.  How can I put into words what God has done for me in one year?  Truthfully, I’m not sure I can do Him justice in one page, but I’m just going to go there.

I had never truly submitted myself to the Voice of More.  I suffered "mental illness" for much of my life…riddled with fear, overwhelmed with depression and labeled with diagnoses I let define me.  And at this time of my life, I was in pretty bad shape.  I was very lost.  I fought thoughts of suicide and I hurt myself where no one would see.  I drank to cope with my depression.  I drank to settle my anxiety.  And I drank to celebrate a good day.  I tried to fix myself with psychiatry, therapy and medications…medications that my body could no longer tolerate but I was convinced I would die without.  And so, I was very sickly.  Not only could I not function as a normal human being, but most importantly, I couldn’t function as a mother.  My four year old little boy needed me.  And my husband needed me.  Only, I had let the “voice of less” run my life for as long as I could remember and I just didn’t know how to be me.  I didn’t even know who I was.  What I did know was that if I couldn’t be saved, I would surely die.  And I didn’t want to believe anymore that the world would be better off without me.

That night during service, with people standing around me with their hands lifted in praise and worship, I wrung my shaking hands and wept quietly.  The burning question that I could not shake was this…

Can I be healed? 

While worship was still going, my dear sister-in-law, who stood next to me saw through my pain, gently took my hand and led me to a volunteer standing in the isle of the auditorium to pray for me.  I then agreed to meet in a room called the “Healing Place” after the service.  I listened to Greg’s message with great anticipation.

I CAN do this…

Stepping into the Healing Place with my husband and his family was like walking over a burning bridge.  I knew in my heart that there was no going back.  This was it.  I shook inside and out as I tearfully unpacked my pain and fear before the cross.  The pastor who cared for me that night gave me a firm “YES” to that burning question in my mind. 

I can be healed!

I am in awe as I now reflect on what God has done for me in the past year.  I have been sober for the first full year in 14 years.  I am free of medications.  I am free of darkness and depression!  Physically and mentally, I am healthy.  In fact, I could quite possibly be the happiest person I know!  In January, my husband and I were baptized by the same loving pastor that helped me in the Healing Place.  Around that same time, we joined the Saturday night Host Team (who have since become like a family to us) and became solid volunteers (and most recently team leaders)!  In June, we became tithers!  God has filled my life with such fellowship, friendships and love that I can’t even begin to express my gratitude without tears in my eyes.  My cup overflows with blessing after blessing!  You see, God not only healed me, healed my family and fixed my life; He used me.  And there is simply no greater joy in existence than in serving Gods purpose and being loved by Him. The best is yet to come...

“As the Father has loved Me, I have also loved you. Remain in My love.” (John 15:9)

~~~

Reflections

Pastor Rob (who I affectionately call, "Pastor Batman") is a very special person to us and to our story.  He gives our huge church that "small church" feeling.  And I think there is a need for that.  Relationship.

Easter Service with my Momma!

Serving at SEEDS!!!

Christmas Train... truly a magical place.

Candlelight Service. 

One thing our Host Team does best... Hospitality.  We love each other like family.

Yeah.  That's Pastor Steven Furtick on our stage.  No biggie. (AAAAHHH!!!)

My gifts from God, who I treasure most of all. 

Mothers Day with my Momma.  She has been my rock, my teacher and best friend.  Love you so.

Serving at the Joel Osteen "Night of Hope" with two of my favorite people in this world.  They brought me into their Host Team, made me their friend and I never looked back.  Love you, Grant and Stephanie! 

Baptism by Pastor Batman. 

(May only be able to be viewed on computer.)